I’m finding it a little hard to believe I’ve already completed 4 weeks of training. It kinda flew, like a streamin jet liner, super fast. (insert airline knowledge here about a very fast, super cool plane that will make that sentence sound better). Most training plans build in recovery weeks every 4th week. Your recovery week still has you working out, it’s just less distance/time and/or intensity. Then you build again for the next 3 weeks, then recover, then build, then recover…I think you get the picture.
This week I changed things up, yet again, as I had signed up to run the Sam Costa quarter marathon on Saturday 3/23. I was supposed to swim and run on Friday, bike 90 mins Saturday and then swim/run on Sunday. Since I knew I was running Saturday am, I wanted to rest up so I could really get after this run if I felt good. So I took Friday off, didn’t workout at all. I was a big skipper, skipped the run, skipped the swim, skippity do da day. This paid off as I was able to run the quarter marathon (6.5 miles) in 54:44, an 8:22 pace. My goal I had announced awhile ago was to complete it in 54 minutes (an 8:20 pace). I was close, 44 seconds of closeness. I thought I had it, my running app (Endomondo), had me running 8:17, 8:21, 8:15, 8:22, 8:15, 8:13, that’s 49:43, that gave me 4 minutes and 17 seconds to run half a mile. I totally thought I had my 54 minute goal, but, the final results showed a 54:44. That put me 4th in my age group (35-39) and 14th of all females for the quarter.
I should be very pleased with this considering I hadn’t really been training for this run, I had simply been following my training plan for the IM. But, as much as I said I was happy with it, I wasn’t. The nastiness of doubt and ridicule and comparison found its way into my brain and next I was left with feeling less than. I find comparison to be one of the most frequent offenders on self confidence. I feel great about something until I find out someone else did it better, faster, prettier, smarter, cheaper, etc. What a waste! I don’t need to bother to compare myself to anyone because I KNOW there is someone out there who does it better, faster, prettier, smarter, cheaper. I KNOW I will always feel less than if my measuring stick is earthly accomplishment. I must overcome this battle as I have a baby girl that emulates my every move and this is one move I don’t want to ever see mirrored back. CONFIDENCE in Christ, CONFIDENCE that my best is good enough, CONFIDENCE that any earthly trophies will pass/perish. So thankful life is not pass/fail. Second chances abounding from a God that loves me and sees me as I am, perfectly flawed.